Clarity

In three months, I will be without a job.
This is a clear decision, but what is next still eludes me. I don't know if it's right not to be worried, but something tells me I am making the right choice.

The saddle to Mt. Pulag (Akiki)

It is the uncertainty of the future that's fueling my excitement. Everything has opened up to countless possibilities. Unlike the decision to work for a company 9 years ago, this one is more daring in that for the first time in many years, "I" am actively defining my future.
However, time is not one to take a break. And I have to think and act fast. Moments can flit like a shooting star.

---x---

I was listening to music, then I went out for an unhealthy lunch, there was a moment of hesitation to go to a birthday party and now this. In a few hours, Saturday will accede to Sunday, and that feeling of not having accomplished anything will leave a bitter a taste.

So, let this be a mission. A simple one for now. I have some time to go back to perceiving the world as it turns. I will try objectivity, but I will fail.

Like listening to the sound of metal clanging from a distance. It's a ghastly one that makes me grab the glass of water in front of me and break it. Anything to drown the infuriating noise that seems to never end. But I also hear laughters- the kind of sound that's more musical than music. Then I will think to myself, life is good.

Time is ticking. I cannot waste any more as I have these many years.

The sound of metal clanging, the laughters, the indecision. My bed is not yet made.
Perhaps, I should start with that. With the bed.
And then, maybe, I will have the heart to let this day pass with some embarrassments and to answer questions I have always avoided. Of course, I want to be left alone arguing against time. But there is also beauty in doing that which is out of the ordinary. It is really no different from sleeping on a beach under a moonless night.

And the bed is still not made. Time is running fast.

I remember voices and images, perhaps from a movie or past conversations. That everything is pre-writing and writing starts with typing what is in your heart. I still think how it was unfair that his mentor dies in the end, but why defy inevitability? Why waste time and energy on something that is lain as a matter of fact? Why not think about unpeeled mangoes or uncooked lunch?

Yes. I might have wasted some time on truths. But they seemed very interesting, then. They were a perfect excuse from dealing with simpler issues like pollution. Or maybe not. Let's try "dust in the living room".

And why is it that when you are in a hurry the clock seems to tick faster and louder? I am not pressured, but I could feel my heart beating faster.
I think it is that I would soon be jobless. It is because what happens after is something that needs to be decided.

What is truly annoying is that for now, it is just because I know that I will be going to that party, and I would be uncomfortable.

And the bed is still not made.