An Eldest's Prayer

The human lungs of an average-sized 60-year old can hold about 6 liters of water. With her lungs one-thirds filled with fluid, it is no wonder my mother has had difficulty breathing.
I am just glad I was able to persuade her to see a doctor, or it would have gotten worse. She was advised to stay in the hospital for treatment until she got better. Since then, I have been asking for updates from my sister who is watching over her back in my hometown.
When I found out about it, all I could think about was the expense. My parents do not have insurance, so surely, I would have to cut down on everything for the next few weeks to be able to send something for her hospitalization.
This reminds me of the horrid palm reading a friend did on me. He said that I am not very lucky with my family. He explained how my palm shows successes, but that my family would be dragging me down. That time, I was at the height of my cynicism, so I just laughed the whole thing off, and told him, who else could define my future but myself. It is impossible to find a correlation between what my friend supposedly saw on my palm and how I would decide my future to be.
Now, however, I can't help but look back on that conversation and wonder, Could it be true? I spent five years sending two of my sisters to school, ignoring my own wants. Within those five years, I thought, if only all the money I earned could be mine alone. I could have gone to places, bought nice watches, gotten a brand new car, or even my own place. Fact is, even after my sisters' graduation, I am still expected to send something back home, not as much as before, but still something.
And now, this.
No, my parents are not forcing me to do this. Perhaps, most parents don't. It is common practice, however, that the eldest be responsible for the well-being of the family, ensuring the siblings finish school, and that everyone is fed.
Most of the people I know- friends and colleagues- who are the eldest in the family have the same obligation. They all support their brothers, sisters and parents, regardless of whether these eldest sons and daughters have already started their own family or not.
I can't help but ask, what about me? Am I fated to learn to ignore my desires and be selfless? Should I start learning to appease myself with the idea that material things are not what can make anybody happy?
What about my dream of touring the entire country for a month? What about my plans of going back to school?
What is more frustrating is I seem to be the only one whining. People I know find some sense of fulfillment from performing all these that are expected of an eldest child.
Maybe, that's the secret.
I have forgotten how I had vowed to help when I was still a struggling university student. My desire to experience the world has blinded me from counting my blessings, from the simple joys of helping. It has made me forget what my parents had to go through just for me to be where I am now. My mother never had any hesitations of spending all her wealth just so I could go to the best schools. She has always supported me. I love my mother and I don't want her sick. Because I have the financial capacity to help, then I can have what I desire most- her speedy recovery.
In the end, my friend might be right about my palm. My family does drag me down, back to the realization of what I truly want.