We oftentimes squirm out of a situation that exposes our weakness, like knowing something that everybody seems to get but we don't. I remember how a group of friends in school before talking about Ang Huling El Bimbo and how the song was sad, and all I could do was nod and be as quiet as I could, and pray for the bell to ring. Fast.
Of course, we don't want anyone to know to know we don't know, so we never ask questions that would seem easy for most or say something as obvious as 1+1 = 2. We avoid this like the world depends on it, even if it meant losing an opportunity for something more relevant and important.
We just have to be perfect, so we don't get banished from society. So, even, when a relevant, important, but less than intelligent question burns, we keep quiet. It's fine, surely, it will be answered some time later or I could ask somebody who wont judge, like a best friend. Or I could ask an utterly evil person, anything that comes out of whose mouth, even when answering intelligent questions, is evil, so, I wont feel too bad.
Once at work, after thinking long about whether I should be exposing my ignorance about contracts, I proceeded to do a consultation with a lawyer and an actuary. You see most people my age now should know about contracts and how they work. Unfortunately, all I know about them are that they should be signed and notarized after reviewing whether the contents are as agreed and as expected.
Ok, I am not going to mention what I asked because they are the kind of questions many would roll their eyes over. But, what I did not expect was that they would be snickering and saying insulting remarks in the guise of being amusing. I thought, wow, I did not think it would be this humiliating. So, my passive-aggressive self just could not shut it. I am sorry to be asking these stupid questions, because I truly do not know. I have to be sure since we are talking about contracts and, as simple as an article "a" misplaced could spell the difference between lawsuits and losing them. These things I am asking, though pretty obvious to you, are important for me to be clarified, and are no laughing matter, since we are talking about a legal document, as you may well know...
Seriously, I must have heard crickets for a good 5 seconds.
And then, an almost whisper, "of course", on the other end.
So, though I am not proud of it, I got the answer to my stupid questions. I also found that there's more to them than just being disgusting clarifications for the smart ones. When asking questions whose answers seem as obvious as the fact that we all need air to breathe, it requires a bit of courage and a very strong sense of security to ask them. Courage because you know you'll be judged, and you will be asking these questions in spite of the possibly destructive replies you get, which may annihilate what's left of your self-esteem.
So, yes, courage.
It's also a testament to how well you know and how secure you feel towards yourself. People, whose sense of self is already at a level so mature others can no longer say anything to alter their self- concept, just doesn't care. To them, it's no longer about whether the question's stupid or whether they are stating the obvious but more what the answers they need. What others think about the question is down their priority list.
I don't presume to have the courage. I shake at the thought of asking these questions. For the most part, I don't think I will be able to handle anyone laughing at my ignorance. I also don't think I know everything, and I am definitely not as smart as many kindergarten kids, but I haven't stopped learning.
And if being stupid every now and then is how I learn, I think it is worth it.
