Clocks and Courage

You said good morning, and there's nothing else that came to mind but mountains to hike under the canopies of trees, onto the peak where sea of clouds roll, hiding the ocean below the horizon. 

Then, I say, in jest, "Of course, why woudn't it be?" You chuckled, and said something I no longer heard. Your words drowned by the sound of my beating heart.

***

It rained, I was about to open my small umbrella, and I heard you say from behind, I think I lost mine. We could share, I answered, but, it might not be enough for both of us. You asked if it would be ok, and I thought on that Christmas village, refreshingly cold. With a steaming cappuccino in my hands, I walk through the snow-covered streets of the village, and you, next to me. 

Friday Buzz

Disillusionment shatters one's world view and comes in strange forms. Mine was from a Friday buzz, and thinking spirits are out on the streets to get me.

-* -
I was at a bar, and was just about to leave after downing 6 bottles of beer and 3 plates of snacks. It was not that it was getting late but that everything has become an autostereogram,  and an image is beginning to form. It was an angry Jesus telling me I had had more than my usual four bottles. Also, even in my happy state, it was getting unbearable having a few stares toward my direction, because who would be drinking alone at a bar?

In that split second of  clarity, I had made a decision to head home. But not before doing another " bottoms up" for the road. The walk  to my place would take another 15 mins and it would be difficult to outrun the stray dogs when I could not feel my face.

Sofa Tears

At some point, one must feel like he has taken in so much.
And I have.

I sat on my filthy sofa, and thought, I should be doing some cleaning today, but that I should also give myself a pass for just not minding anything, not even the leaky faucet in the bathroom. It must have been the general feeling of exhaustion, the slight fever and the headache that got me weeping like a drunk, but why did I whisper, "I am really tired. I want to go home."?

Good Night

It was with a simple good night that I found out about a friend's passing. We were not close, but at some point, we had talked about photography and hiking. Probably, about grammar, too, as we both taught English. And just like that, this phrase has taken on a new meaning. What used to be just something people blurt out before sleep, and take for granted, now has become a sad farewell.

Good night, it wrote on his social media wall, as if he'd still be in the morning for coffee, or to post something I'd most likely ignore. Good night, like we've just had a drawn out discussion about rule of thirds and the last mountain we'd slept on. Interesting how this has created a euphemism for truth- that all has ended for him. It has also made it difficult to wish the same on anyone, a loved one, for example, for it no longer just means a good night. But does it just, really?

The Dare and the Wish

I caught it ever so slightly

That elusive stare 

that masterfully shifts towards my right

And that nervous, yet intentional calm

That only widens the door of doubt,

Extending my wish and prayer for someday

When I'll find out how 

the luxury scent melds with your sweat.

For you

You're sure you've done all?
I have and the wind says, 'Give up'.
But you've always wanted to be a physicist...
I think I've gotten old for childish ambitions.
You couldn't have been mistaken.
I have and I am determined to make it right.
And so you're leaving.

Braving Ignorance

We oftentimes squirm out of a situation that exposes our weakness, like knowing something that everybody seems to get but we don't. I remember how a group of friends in school before talking about Ang Huling El Bimbo and how the song was sad, and all I could do was nod and be as quiet as I could, and pray for the bell to ring. Fast.